Around the Dinner Table - Forum for Parents of Eating Disorder Patients

anxiety

determined — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:14:05 GMT

My d has been increasing her wt slowly.time she is 19 and in univ. 5ft 4 and 97 lbs from 87 lbs 4 months ago .She will eat normal dinners at home that I prepare most of the time and is easily talked into eating desert ie ice cream and fruit.Although when I ask her if what she wants for dessert she will say nothing.But I insist and she will then say okay. It is kind of a modified maud app. because she is 19 and in her 2 yr of university she will not let me take full control. She says eating is the only thing she looks forward to.Everything else is boring.She says she doesnt see the purpose in life. Once the food is done she goes to bed shortly after.She is on prozac 60 mg and remeron 7.5 mg the latter to help her sleep. She has had an anxiety disorder since 2 grade and ocd without compulsions but constant anxious thoughts and has been on antidepressants for this. .Since the weight loss she has now developed some compulsions mainly cleaning vacuuming etc. She eats a failrly good breakfast kashi cereal about 2 cups with a large apple
and will eat a half of sub turkey tomato on whole wheat. and a fruit.
Despite the meds she is still suffering from depression and seems to be getting more anxious.She will tell me almost every day I just dont care about anything anymore I might as well be a fat pig! She just called me from school a few minutes ago to tell me she just binged! I just ate 2 cups of granola then I had a big plate of pasta and a huge chocholate chip muffin!she was practically in tears but I could detect disgust for herself at the same time.
She feels that she is losing all motivation . I tried to tell her that while she insists she doesnt care anymore she is obviously scared and the an is telling her to care >she thinks its the meds preventing her from focusing and that she is out of control and is becoming bulimic. Of course she denies that if she becomes wt restored she will be be able to make better decisions,The anorexia wont let her believe this! Has anyone got any advice of how to address this situation.My daughter confides in me all the time I am the only one who she really totally confides in. She sees a t and psy but she is even afraid to tell them all of her thoughts esp ocd thoughts , for fear they will think shes crazy and have her committed ! I reassure her that alot of her fears are just ruminating ocd thoughts. I tell her to acknowledge that she gets ocd thoughts label them as such and say my thoughts are not me theyre just ocd,and she can master this most of the time.
I am trying so hard to be strong for her but I just need some others advice esp if you have been through anything similar to this! I want her to eat more obviously but I dont want her to go the other way and become a binger and create another type of e.d. So how do I do this? Anyone?
How should I reply when she calls me ?

hpnosis for repressed memory

confused — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:55:58 GMT

My d has told me that she believes she was sexually abused when she was a young child. She has a memory that has been upsettng her since her ed started. She is not sure if it really happened or not. Does anyone know if hypnosis would be helpful in finding out memory. She says she needs to know if it happened or not. She feels it is the key for her recovery. She has kept this from me for years.

suicidal thought, ,self harm

elena16 — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:02:49 GMT

Thanks ruralmom for the copy of the contract from UCSD. We changed it a little bit and gave the copy to our d last night.She tore it up into small pieces had a complete melt down, screaming all the horrible things, saying her suicidal thoughts are back. We know she has had them a lot before but since she finished residential in the summer and went back to school she stopped having them. She used to self harm, superficial scratches, but has not done it in months until yesterday, and it was a large cut. All of this was precipitated by an attemp to add a bagel to her breakfast.She is now still only at about 1300 cal/day. My h has a lot of reservations about strict Maudsley, precisely because of this fear of pushing d "over the edge". She wants to recover, but can't accept 90p as her goal weight( 100% IBW) based on her height 4"9, and simply rejects the idea of handing over control of meals completely. My h feels that it is not just ED voice, but part of her character even before she became ill. It may be so but does it matter. We are seriously considering going to UCSD.I sincerely hope it will be helpful but they won't change who our d is.And what if strict Maudsley will make her more suicidal, where do we draw the line, it is really scary.They say that there is no patient type with which Maudsely doesn't work. I wish I could be sure of that. By the way she did eat the bagel this morning, my h told her last night that if she doesn't she is not going to school, so she finally did, but whiat a price to pay for half a bagel

Interesting item in local news paper

LisafromAustralia — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 00:10:25 GMT

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24449499-661,00.html

I hope this goes some way to help our kids realise that most of what they see in magazines etc are photo shopped.

6 Month Update

Zeri — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:40:43 GMT

Guys, its been 6 months since our d recovered; can you believe it?! 7, 8, 9...months ago, I couldnt have imagined our family would be where we are today....I didnt even know how to imagine recovery. Our d was in a malnutrition stupor, and my h and I were....numb. It was about this time last year that we realized we were in deep doo doo, but we hadnt quite accepted it yet....not out loud....denial is powerful. What a difference a year and full nutrition makes.

In prep for posting, I asked my d if she thought about the ed very often these days. She said she did not unless she saw someone whom she knew still suffered w/an ed. She said it seems so long ago that she was ill and almost as if it never happened.... like it happened to someone else.

I just want to encourage those of you still fighting the fight to keep going!. The battle is worth the outcome; recovery is beautiful and healthy. You can and WILL get your life back, and so will your loved one with full nutrition every day.

My familys prayers were answered, and I pray yours will be, too.

Rip off the bandaid!

Soaring,

Zeri

help for h

Necie — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 18:49:19 GMT

He just can't do it. He can't separate the illness from our d. I have asked him over and over to read the books and articles that explain it and I have tried to explain it to him. He seems resolved to be mad at her and tell her she has caused our family so many problems. And blame her for it. As though she had a choice and wanted to have an ed. He missed the last 2 FBT sessions, partly because he is worried about missing so much work (it's a 3 hour drive away). But also I think he is trying to remove himself from it. Even though she is nearly weight restored, I think he might be a detriment to her recovery. She thinks he hates her and acts out a lot around him.

I guess I couldn't present a united front with him because then we would both be mad at her nearly all the time and I just don't feel that way. He is convinced that we are dealing with behavior issues because I have always been too lenient. When does the acting out/behavior become her own, and not ed's??

And, is there a chance this can even work to reach complete recovery when we not really able to work together?

Internet pro ana websites/chat rooms

oboemom — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 13:52:50 GMT

Hi! I'm new to forums but have already found this one to be very helpful. I'm not sure whether this subject has been addressed lately.
My 16-year-old d is in what I consider the early stages of ed (no significant weight loss but has disordered eating that we have ID'd with her and her therapist, ed therapist and psychiatrist). Her drs have decided to treat her depression with Zoloft first and then deal with the ed (which my h and I agree with). Zoloft seems to be helping with the depression.
My d chats with other eds over the internet; I discovered this through checking her emails. She doesn't know that I read these emails, but we told her regular therapist. Her therapist believes that my d will find a way to continue these conversations no matter what we attempt (limiting internet access, punishment etc) because there are always ways for kids to access the internet.
My d used to keep a food log noting calorie intake and exercise output; that's how my h and I discovered her ed. She has since discontinued this.
Has anyone else dealt with their ed children using support chat rooms to support their eds?

She says that she's fat

Ladybug — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 06:13:32 GMT

My daughter is re-feeding. She isn't there but is gaining little by little. Now she thinks she's fat and disgusting. How do you respond to this? She holds her twelve year old tummy and says that we are trying to make her fat. I dislike saying "You're not fat,you look fine" because it feels like I'm emphasizing looks. But it is hard to know what to say. I tell her that she's beginning to look healthy but this just aggravates her. Any ideas?

Diagnosed and hospitalized today - first time posting

HopeJoy — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 01:38:08 GMT

Hi -

I am brand new here and really could use support. Quick summary - my daughter lives w/ her Dad in another state as I suffered a traumatic injury this summer. She is 13 and has had "trouble eating" for years; became a vegetarian three yrs. ago, lactose intolerant, dx. of bipolar, etc.

She has lost ten pounds in ten days - began w/ stomach flu and she stopped eating.

My situation - I am not with her and I want to be but have been encouraged to hold tight until she is stabilized. Her dad and I talk - but he does not provide much information. I was able to talk w/ the new dr. one time and liked her...

What advice do you have for parents w/ a child who is in her first time hospitalization? I don't want them to start a "cycle" of "if you don't eat you will be in trouble"... What should I look for in terms of care????

Sad Mom,

Resource for family caregivers

md — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 17:58:52 GMT

Hi. Here is a link to the Web site of the National Family Caregivers Association. I have gotten a lot of useful information from this site, particularly the association's newsletters, which are available by going to the "Caregiving Resources" link and then going to "Take Care Newsletters." I found this Web site while looking for resources to help my husband provide long-distance support for his elderly parents, who suffer from Alzheimer's and other health problems. But I think this would be useful to caregivers in other types of situations, as well. I think the tone of the newsletter is realistic, practical, and compassionate.
http://www.nfcacares.org/

mag asks

lydia — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 15:03:00 GMT

mag asks:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa
There are fabulous books that can help guide you. "Help your teenager beat an eating disorder" by Locke and Le Grange, changed our lives. You can find more information on Feast's resource page: http://www.feast-ed.org/linkstootherresources/booksvideoliterature.html

I know it's hard and exhausting, but recovery is possible. Educate yourself, make a plan and take action.

Lisa
Well.......... here goes.
Hi there. I am new to all this. My 17 yr old d has just been referred to the eating disorders clinic. Havent had our first appointment yet. I've spent the last few days on line reading reading reading. So glad when I found the FEAST site - it seems to have so much info, and I love that there is a forum for caregivers. I have a list of books that I'm going looking for tomorrow.
I am working through the idea that as her parent (especially a single parent) I have not caused this. I have been so worried that I 'did' this to her. Life has been anything but settled lately and I've worried that I have some how contributed to all this. She has been troubled for a year or more, and the troubles have just been increasing.cNow it's the eating disorder. Am I right in thinking that this could be her way of not being able to remain in control?

No doubt you will all hear from me in the future as things unfold, and as I read more and the questions arise.

Thanks.

Fordham/Princeton researching effect of ED diagnosis on parents and family

LauraCollins — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 11:53:51 GMT

I spoke on the phone yesterday with Dr. Parisi at Princeton who is looking for parents to interview for a study on the effects of an ED diagnosis on our families. This is a great way for F.E.A.S.T. families to offer the treatment community a view into the perspective of the caregiver. I hope you will consider participating:

Are you the parent of a child who has received inpatient treatment for Anorexia Nervosa?

If so, wed like to talk to you about your experience. As research psychologists, we are interested in how a childs eating disorder diagnosis affects the parents and family including coping reactions, relationships, and marital satisfaction. Few medical or psychological resources are available to support parents who may face their own challenges with respect to the diagnosis of and treatment for their childs Anorexia. We hope our research findings will contribute to enhanced understanding of how a childs illness affects parents and family.

If your child, age 11-17, has received or is currently receiving inpatient treatment for Anorexia Nervosa, we invite you to participate in this important study. Participation will include:

A confidential and supportive phone interview, scheduled at your convenience, with a trained psychology doctoral student
Access to our findings, at the end of our study
Helping other parents in the same situation, by sharing your story with us

Please contact Dr. Merle Keitel at mkeitel@fordham.edu or (212) 636-6468 for information.

NOTE: This research study has received IRB (Institutional Review Board) approval from Fordham University and Princeton HealthCare System and researchers will adhere to the American Psychological Associations Code of Ethics. Primary investigators for this study are Merle A. Keitel, Ph.D., Professor of Counseling Psychology, Fordham University, and Melinda Parisi, Ph.D., Program Director, Eating Disorders Program, University Medical Center at Princeton.

New here ... questions about re-feeding

EclecticJen — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 10:26:13 GMT

My 10-year-old d has been struggling with anorexic since May. I'm divorced, and am supposed to have joint custody with my ex-husband; however, my daughter will not eat for him, whereas she does for me. The situation at my ex's has been so horrific (a lot of verbal abuse, pouring milk over her head due to over-frustration, etc) that my d now exclusively lives with me. At the moment, I am so stressed and depressed because not only am I trying to deal with my d's issues, but my ex's parents are being very difficult/accusing/etc. According to them and my ex, I'm to blame for this entire situation (I have had an ED-NOS and have been "recovered" for over a year, but still have to be diligent with myself). I can't talk to them (they have a prominent place in my children's lives) nor can I talk to my ex, which is getting in the way of my d's recovery.

Any advice on how to deal with all this stress? I find myself plummeting into depression, which I need to avoid at all costs since my own personal depression regarding my d will not help her one bit.

I'm also unsure how to go about the re-feeding process. The process of re-feeding has been placed exclusively on me and the ex only makes things worse when d is with him (she's not with him for any mealtime, though). How much do I force my d to eat? I'm assuming that little steps are better?

Thanks.

back to work...

maritza — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 07:07:32 GMT

I've been refeeding D for almost a week now, and unfortunately my emergency time off from work is almost up, as I go back Monday. D has been completley miserable for the past week (as is to be expected, I suppose) and I haven't had to take so much Advil in my life for headaches. Although I'm slightly nervous, I am sending D back to school on Monday. I'm not quite sure how it will work out exactly, but I have to admit that while D did loose a lot of weight last year, her N told me she's just slightly below her set point and is perfectly capable of going to school.

Luckily, D already has an IEP from the inpatient hospital psychiatrist from last summer, so the school is fine with her coming late/leaving early, etc. Her Headmaster also reminds all the teachers when D will be gone for extended periods of time. I've told D that I will be eating breakfast with her in the morning, and she won't be leaving for school until she finishes, regardless of how late that might make her. She will eat her morning snack in her counsellor's office, who has told me that she will email me afterwards to tell me how D did (ate the whole thing, ate half, etc.). I will be picking her up for lunch from the school and will drive around for the hour while she eats before taking her back for her afternoon classes. My best friend Bobby will then pick her up after school and she will eat her afternoon snack with him (she gets out of school at 3:15, and I start work at 3). Then, he drops her off at my work, where she sits in our break room and does homework/takes a nap, etc. I eat dinner with her and then Bobby takes her home, stays with her until she eats her evening snack and then he leaves for work. I get home about two hours after she's gone to bed usually. It's not ideal, but it's the only plan I can come up with.

food question

Ladybug — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 03:36:51 GMT

My daughter is re-feeding with lots of arguments. She is squeezing every bite on her clothing " to get the grease out". It's pretty disgusting, especially since she always wants to wear the same clothes. I don't know whether I should ignore this or make a big deal about it. We've been trying to get her to stop but not forcing the issue. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Ladybug